Leila Ann: Dad

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dad

We've been down a very hard road here lately.
My Dad passed away on April 29, 2011 (my brother's 47th birthday).
He'd been sick for quite awhile. He's had heart problems since I was little.
He fought this battle for so long, and he fought oh so hard - right up to the very end.
He didn't start getting really bad until Dec. (He even went hunting at Thanksgiving.)
His mind was still good. His body just gave out.
I watched my grandma a few years back. Her body was good, but her mind went first.
I don't know which is better or worse.
I guess we all knew this day would ultimately come, but it doesn't really make it any easier.

Dad was probably the hardest working and strongest man I've ever known.
He did things not for glory or recognition, but because it was the right thing to do. Things like giving the local guy that walks the roads and isn't 'quite right' and doesn't smell good, a ride when it's dark or raining. Things like weed-eating along the road so someone doesn't pull out and have an accident because you can't see, even though that's the state road's responsibility.
He was ALWAYS there whenever we needed. It didn't matter what it was.
He's kept my kids, run errands, helped us move, helped fence the yard, roof the cabin, build a shed, mowed my yard, ....

My dad hated the beach. They only came to see us when we lived in FL, because they had to and to see the kids - not because he wanted to be there. (He wasn't a fan of the hot and the sand.) The mountains were his thing.
We've been on more vacations with my parents than we have without. My favorite was probably when we all went on a 'family' cruise to Mexico. I think his was the one to Yellowstone though.
It completely, totally breaks my heart that there won't be anymore now.

Next week would have been my parents 48th anniversary. He was only 73.
All my cousins (and I have a lot), have been telling me how 'he was always their favorite'. I know - I had the best.
It just does't seem fair.
Every time I think I'm out of tears - there's another bucketful ready to fall.

I think I heard once that the true testament to a man's life is how many people show up at his funeral.
Well - that only reinforced what we all already knew.
There were almost 400 people came for the calling hours. People stood in line outside in the cold and in the rain to pay their respects.
The funeral home ran out chairs during the funeral itself.
After the service, our church provided a dinner and a place to go to for awhile.
I'd guess they fed 200 people that day. They had 2 long rows of food and another for just desserts. My dad would have loved it. What an amazing church family we have.

I hurt for me. I hurt for my Mom. But I hurt for my kids.
Austin will be graduating in 2 weeks. Dad won't be there. He'll be starting school and will be playing football in college. He SO wanted Papa to see him. (Papa was an amazing football player in school.) Now he won't.
Darrell was named after my dad. He's only 14. He has so far to go in life. And he's such a good kid. It breaks my heart that as he's entering high school next year, Dad won't be there to see how he matures and develops.
Leila - well she's only 3 1/2. My biggest fear is that she won't remember him and how much he loved her. When she says 'Mama and Papa's house', I cry because Papa isn't there. And yet, when she says 'Mama's house', I cry because I'm afraid what if she's already starting to forget?

Yes, I KNOW he's better off. I KNOW he's no longer suffering. BUT my head and my heart are two totally different things. Just because he's better off, doesn't mean we are. Just because he's not suffering, doesn't mean we're not.
Why do people that don't deserve the space God has given them on this earth still get to be here? And yet, people that should be, aren't?
I know that time eases pain and that things get easier. I may have that knowledge deep inside me, but it's not helping much right this very moment.

I have a million pictures I like. I'm just going to try to pick a few of the best here.

Back in the Day